


Gone for Good

by buzzbuzz34



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Permadeath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbuzz34/pseuds/buzzbuzz34
Summary: As Zolf tries to guide Wilde back to life, he realizes that this is not a resurrection, but a final goodbye.
Relationships: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Gone for Good

**Author's Note:**

> Big spoilers for the last few episodes if you're not caught up, and be warned that this is a sad fic regarding death and moving on.

Zolf followed the footprints through the empty city until the crunch beneath his boots changed. The buildings had faded away, leaving nothing but a smoky haze around him, and now the ground sounded like shifting sands that whipped gently around his mechanical feet.

But there, in the near distance, a figure sat on the sandy shore, and Zolf sped toward him, the echo of waves crashing in his ears as he got closer.

Though Zolf skidded to a stop next to him, Wilde didn’t turn to look as he arrived. Almost immediately, he asked, “Will you sit with me?”

His voice sounded partially muffled, but Zolf’s heart leapt all the same when Wilde spoke, that same tightness in his chest and exuberance at Wilde’s presence flaring up again, this time tenfold.

Zolf sat as requested in the sand next to Wilde and watched him carefully. The scar that marred his face seemed fainter here, almost like a mirage where it was there one moment and gone the next. His shirt was buttoned over what would have been the gaping wound from the crash, but Zolf could assume it experienced the same shifting transfiguration.

“I never really saw the appeal of sitting on a beach and doing nothing,” Wilde said softly, still facing waves that Zolf couldn’t see. “That is, not until I started sitting with you after you wandered off to meditate or mope or whatever it was you did most of the time,” he chuckled. “Now, I love it. Sitting here, it feels like you, even when you’re not here.”

Wilde paused for a long moment, then turned to face Zolf for the first time. “You’re here to bring me back?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure how all this works, but there are people here and they’ve done some kind of ritual. If you just follow me back, everything will be fine. We’ll fix the ship and get Carter and the kobolds back and we’ll get on our way to saving the world again. Once you’re back, everything will be fine again.”

When Wilde could no longer meet Zolf’s gaze, despite smiling with a mixture of fondness and sadness in his eyes, Zolf knew he would be making the return trip alone.

“You’re not coming back, are you?”

“I can sleep here. I can cast spells, I can sing!” Wilde spoke with such excitement, his voice lilting with a joy it had lacked for so long. “Nothing hurts here. Even the scars, the physical ones, they don’t ache anymore. I’m finally at rest.”

With tears welling up in his eyes, Zolf cried, “But, Oscar, please. I love you. I need you.”

Wilde laughed; a pure, sincere, unburdened laugh. “You’ve never needed me, Zolf. I hope that I provided you some happiness and support in the time we spent together, even before we were on good terms, but you’ve never _needed_ me.”

“Fine. Then I want you. I want you to come back. I want you to be with me. I want to fix the world and make a life with you afterwards, just like we’ve dreamt about. No war, no political nonsense, no disease, just you and me. I can cook, and you can write your stories. And I want you to be there for that.”

Zolf took a deep breath, then continued, this time quieter as the tenseness in his heart released. “But that’s wrong of me. It’s selfish. You deserve to rest, you really do. You’ve given more than enough of yourself already. Though,” he smirked, “I can’t believe this is the moment you’re deciding to finally put yourself first.”

Together, they chuckled, and Wilde reached over to lace his fingers through Zolf’s. For now, he was still tangible, and it felt like nothing had changed. That is, until he spoke again and his voice sounded more distant than before.

“I’m sorry to leave you.”

“You’re not leaving me. I know you’ll always be with me.”

“Good.” Wilde smiled, then his face and tone grew more severe. “But, Zolf, listen – no dramatic self-sacrifice or recklessness just to try and join me here, alright? That sounds like something you would do.”

“I’ve always been a reckless self-sacrifice type,” Zolf joked.

“True… No more than normal, then. I want you to be happy and live a long, good life, even without me in it. I hope you can find some shred of peace and happiness, whether in your kitchen, or on a beach, or wherever. And maybe fall in love with someone else. Just don’t forget about me.”

“As if I could ever forget you.” Zolf squeezed his hand tight. “And I’ll save some remark about the odds of me finding anyone else who fits with my idiosyncrasies and snark, and say that I hear what you’re saying. I’ll… I’ll try to keep going. For you. And I swear, I will _always_ remember you. Every little bit.”

“That’s all I can ask. I’ve always wanted your happiness, Zolf. Well, for a while, I suppose I wanted you to fall in the Thames and flap around helplessly for a bit, but, you know.” They both laughed, memories of ineffectual arguments and aggressive gags flashing before their eyes, before the pair realized they were better working together than against each other. “But you deserve to be happy too, and that’s all I want. Even if I’m not there.”

They sat quietly for a few moments, savoring the feeling of their hands clasped together one last time, before Zolf asked, “This is, uh, probably going to kill the mood and what-not, but, what do you want done with your body? We figured we’d be dying of the blue veins and we’d have to burn the bodies, but that’s not the case now.”

“I imagine it’s in pretty bad shape?” Wilde glanced down at his chest for the briefest moment.

“Yeah, it’s… it’s real bad.”

“Well, it’s not like it matters to me anymore,” he laughed. “But, I suppose if you can bury it, that’s what I would like. Make a little marker, even if it’ll be snowed over or stepped on by gigantic animals. Otherwise, however the people helping you generally dispose of their dead - do that.”

“I will.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

All the while that they spoke, Wilde’s voice grew fainter and harder to hear and the presence of his hand in Zolf’s was almost nonexistent. Soon, he would be gone entirely, and there was nothing that Zolf could do to change that, even if Wilde wanted him to.

“I think we’re running out of time,” Zolf said as the dull noise of the city and the attendants started to echo in his ears alongside the ocean waves.

“It’s not like it’s forever. You’ll see me again.” Wilde smiled so softly it almost quelled the despair that coursed through every bit of Zolf’s body.

“Can I kiss you? Please? One last time?”

“I’m not sure how well it’ll work, since I’m, well, dead, and you’re not, but… yes. Of course.”

Slowly and carefully, taking time to savor each second, Zolf leaned forward and kissed Oscar, hands caressing his face to memorize every detail. He hoped that with the movement of their lips, Wilde would know that Zolf loved him more than anything in the world, and that every day he continued fighting would be for him.

But as they kissed, Oscar’s tight hold of Zolf’s lapels began to fade until Zolf couldn’t feel him anymore. Before he opened his eyes, he heard the faintest whisper:

_“Goodbye, Zolf. I love you.”_

Zolf’s eyes flew open, and he was back in the room on the bear city, Azu, Cel, and Skraak still sitting motionless beside the bodies of the fallen. Even though they were nearby, he was alone.

He didn’t know if he was allowed to leave or if doing so would interrupt the ritual for the others, but he wasn’t thinking clearly enough to consider such options. He leaned over Wilde’s body and cut off a lock of hair, and lingered for a few more moments as tears fell on his perfect face.

But that wasn’t him, not anymore. Wilde was gone. And, as Zolf tied up the bit of hair and held it in his hands, he knew that one day he would find Oscar again on that beach, and all the hurt would be gone for good.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to find more of my writing (much of which is far lighter and happier than this lol) please head over to kellanswritingblog.tumblr.com, or feel free to check out my personal, celsidebottom.tumblr.com <3


End file.
